I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back.

It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs.

Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day.

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?

Why do they use sterile needles for lethal injections?

Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side